


Mothership

by dreadlockholiday



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Navy, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Bunny Bucky, Captivity, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Hurt Bucky Barnes, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Pet Names, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Recovery, Stockholm Syndrome, Stucky - Freeform, Top Steve Rogers, Twink Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:07:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23170696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreadlockholiday/pseuds/dreadlockholiday
Summary: When Bucky fails to complete a simple mission and finds himself captive on the rival ship, he's sure that he's life is about to end. Painfully so.But what Bucky doesn't know is the truth, and when the handsome, blond Captain of the ship lays it out in front of him, Bucky's life turns upside down.Between the realisation of having been on the wrong side all this time and his slow, difficult recovery, Bucky can't help but fall a little bit in love with the Captain, and that is so, so wrong.But what if the Captain feels the same way?_Or, where Steve thinks of himself as a strong man, but a pretty, blue-eyed boy happens to be his biggest weakness.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 11
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The man turns to one of the guys behind him "Call the Captain." he says, before looking down at Bucky with a grin that's everything but reassuring "He's gonna like this one."
> 
> A crippling shudder shakes Bucky's body upon hearing that. He watches wide eyed as two of the soldiers exit the cell, the metal door slamming obnoxiously behind them.
> 
> The Captain... and then Bucky remembers.

Cold. So cold.

Why is it so fucking cold?

It's so cold he can't even take a breath in.

Wait, he's breathing water. Why is there water in his nose?

He coughs, spluttering. He's soaked.

Did he drown?

Something hits his face. Cold again. It's fucking freezing, it's... water?

He jolts and coughs again, blinking the water out of his eyes and panting heavily. He brings his hands to his face to wipe the wetness away, but they jerk hopelessly, an icy clang of metal chains clinking behind him.

He's tied, chained to something. He can't move.

"C'mon, get up, prick."

Someone speaks from above him. A hard, leathered boot hits his side with too much force.

He curls on himself, pukes on the floor.

Where the hell is he?

There are five men standing in front of him when he opens his eyes. One has an empty bucket in his hands, the others have rifles.

He doesn't know any of them.

Someone emits a sound, and Bucky realises it's him. A slow, miserable whine. Slowly, he regains consciousness of his own body.

The men keep staring at him, hard, emotionless expressions on their faces. And he's on the floor, hands chained behind his back to the wall, dripping wet with freezing water. He's so cold. He's scared.

"Let me go." He voices with struggle, thrashes in his bonds, just to make sure it's not a prank.

But the chains don't budge, instead they press into his wrists with a dull ache.

One of the soldiers laughs, he actually fucking laughs at him, before he moves into a crouching position in front of Bucky, until their gazes are at the same level.

"I don't think you're going anywhere anytime soon, eh?"

Bucky glares at the man, spits in his face.

A slap. The force makes his head turn abruptly. The sound echoes in the small, humid cell, followed by Bucky's whimper.

"Who are you!?" He screams, angry, scared, but the men don't even flinch.

The one who threw the water at him is smirking, malice and mischievousness mixed together in his expression. His long, black hair looks like it hasn't been washed in months. Bucky thinks it's disgusting.

"Wouldn't you like to know, huh?"

The man turns to one of the guys behind him. "Call the Captain." He says, before looking down at Bucky with a grin that's everything but reassuring. "He's gonna like this one."

A crippling shudder shakes Bucky's body upon hearing that. He watches wide eyed as two of the soldiers exit the cell, the metal door slamming obnoxiously behind them.

The Captain... and then Bucky remembers.

It was supposed to be an easy mission. Break in, take down a few members of the crew and get back, all without being noticed. That's how Hydra works.

Like a worm that eats little bites from the fruit, piece after piece, until it falls apart.

It was supposed to be quick. He and Rumlow were to infiltrate the ship in the middle of the night, kill a dozen men and throw them into the sea, then stealthily make their way back.

Bucky was completely oblivious as to why Hydra and Shield were such big rivals on the sea. He didn't question it, he wasn't even allowed to, and so he settled on doing what they told him.

Shield is bad, Hydra is good.

Everything happened too fast then. Rumlow took out a couple men, Bucky failed to kill the one that stepped in front of him. A smack to his head, and he was out like a light.

Oh fuck. He's a prisoner on Shield's ship.

Bucky wonders where they're keeping Rumlow. He hopes he's still alive.

"Let me go!" The fight is still in his body, and he keeps thrashing, pulling and yanking at the restraints despite the pain it causes him. "You! You're gonna pay for this!"

A brown haired man speaks above the laughter of the soldiers. "Oh really? And what you're gonna do about it, sassy?"

Not me, Bucky thinks, but Hydra "J-Just wait. They're gonna fucking kill you one by one!" He tries to sound menacing even though he himself is aware that he's visibly shaking with fear.

"Who? Your friends? I don't see any of them here."

He growls at the black haired man, who, he thinks, reminds him a lot of a crow.

"If they cared about you they wouldn't have left you here."

"Where are you keeping Rumlow?!" His stubborn brain still struggles to accept those words as true. They're lying, Rumlow didn't leave him.

"You mean the stinker that broke on our ship with you?"

"Where is he?!"

It's not that Bucky cares about Rumlow, but right now, he's the only one he can count on to get out of here.

"He ran back to your bloody ship that's where." A blond guy replies, "Left you here like the good friend he is, ain't he?"

"Fucking liar!" He screams and ignores the small, hopeless tears that are fattening in his eyes. "Where is he?!"

Someone punches his cheek, sends his head spinning into a numb vortex. The pain quickly intensifies, spreading over the left side of his face like a fire. And just like that, the truth knocks him out and seeps in, fast and harsh. 

He is alone now. They left him in Shield's hands. Oh God, no. What are they gonna do to him? He doesn't even know the secret information about Hydra, doesn't know basically anything if they try to make him speak. He just works for Hydra and fights the bad guys, that's it.

Are they going to torture him? Oh God, no, please no. He's alone here, he can't move or fight back. They're gonna kill him. He hopes that if they do, they finish him quickly and without too much pain.

That's not likely to happen. They're probably gonna beat him until he speaks and tells them Hydra's secrets, but he doesn't know _anything_. How is he gonna convince them of that?

The knot tightens in his throat with a vice grip, and suddenly Bucky wants his mom. She always knows what's the best thing to do. She would find a way to get him out of here and take him back home, where he's safe in her arms.

But she's not here now. Even Natasha's not here. Bucky's lost God knows where in the middle of the ocean, on a foreign ship, surrounded by people who definitely want him dead.

There's a sound outside of the cell. The sound of heavy footsteps nearing, each one of them hitting the floor with punctuated, precise force. Somehow he knows they're coming for him.

Bucky's sobbing quietly, and the soldiers are probably looking at him with sorry, pitiful eyes, but he can't bring himself to care. Head bowed, his tears fall onto his already wet lap. He doesn't want to die.

"Let- let me go..." He manages between hiccups, "...please, I-I didn't do anything..."

He keeps on mumbling incoherent words even after the metal door opens and closes, those same heavy footsteps now stopping in front of him.

They remind him of Pierce. It's the same sound he used to hear every time he had to get punished. The last sound he heard before his own wails and pleas.

All of this may be even worse than Pierce, which has to be really, really bad considering Pierce is probably related to Satan himself. Bucky's so scared he can't breathe, the air getting tangled in his throat with every sob that racks his body.

A man crouches down in front of him, brings a hand to Bucky's face and lifts his head by the chin.

The tears blur his vision, but he still distinguishes the blonde hair. The hand touching his chin is delicate, careful, but it still feels so wrong, it makes him want to scream and recoil. Instead, all he can do is cry helplessly, forced to look at the man's face and let them all see how weak and miserable he is.

"What's a pretty thing like you doing here, huh?" The man, he supposes is the Captain, speaks after scrutinising him for a few seconds.

"Lil Hydra's fucker got lost on a mission here, Cap." Someone scoffs, tone mocking and despising at the same time.

The others join in and laugh. "Didn't know Hydra's puppets cried like babies."

"They really are slipping with poor things like this one."

"Jeez, I bet the kid even wet himself."

The derisive conversation of the soldiers makes Bucky cry even more.

"Please stop! Let me go... I don't– I don't know anything, swear!"

But the humiliation persists, and the black haired man comes to him once more, lifts his face by the hair, shakes his head and then lets it go with shocking force.

"Pathetic."

"Odinson." It's the Captain's voice, warning and authoritative. "Leave him alone."

The other snickers. "You're getting attached to him, Cap?"

The Captain stands back on his feet. "Get out of here, all of you. Now."

"But–"

"I said out. It's an order. I'll deal with him."

The soldiers obey promptly, and in a few seconds, there's only the two of them in the room.

The Captain keeps quiet, while Bucky's weeping still echoes between the grey walls.

It's so cold. He's shaking, maybe because of the temperature, maybe because of fear. Probably both. The lock of the door clicks suddenly, and Bucky flinches, his head snapping up to look at his captor.

The blond man brings a chair right in front of Bucky, sets it backwards and sits down on it, arms crossed on the top rail, and he studies him, eyes penetrating Bucky's skin like needles.

He didn't take part in the little humiliating play that the others did before. In fact, he kept quiet, silently analyzing Bucky with a serious expression. Bucky doesn't know if it's a good thing or not.

One thing for sure, it's better now that the other soldiers are gone, and his breathing slowly evens out and comes back to normal.

The Captain patiently waits as he calms down, watches him intently with a stare so intense it makes Bucky feel no bigger than an ant, vulnerable and insignificant like he is.

"You good?"

Bucky doesn't respond. He keeps his gaze glued to the spot between his legs, where his own vomit mixes with water.

"I asked you a question."

Again, Bucky doesn't speak. He can't, he doesn't want to.

A minute passes in silence. He can feel the man's stare on him, boring holes into his skin. His head hurts so much. His wrists too, where the chain is keeping them tied to the wall.

The chair screeches suddenly, making Bucky jump and cower down in fear as the Captain steps towards him.

"Please no... don't hurt me, please." But the man still approaches, his jaw set tight in what Bucky can only recognise as rage. "P-Please I didn't– I don't know anything..."

"You wanna tell me what you're doing on my ship?"

"Nothing!" He winces when the blond grips his short strands and forces his face up. "I just w-work for them, please, I didn't do anything! P-Please let me go!"

The man chuckles darkly. "Let you go? I think you have some things to tell me first, don't you?"

"I don't know anything!"

The Captain pulls back with a cold expression on his face, and for a moment Bucky thinks it's over, that it's all okay, but then the other's hand disappears behind his back, and Bucky's blood turns to ice when it re-emerges in front of his eyes holding a neat black knife.

"Please no... I swear I don't know anything!" The blade grazes his cheek with its cold tip, and his body shakes, paralysed by fear. "Please don't– I'll do anything just let– let me go! Please don't hurt me!"

Heart racing and breaths erratic, Bucky's pleas don't even seem to affect the Captain. He tries to remember how he used to turn Hydra's handlers to hurt him the least possible when they punished him, but both his body and mind seem frozen in place.

"C'mon, bunny, I know you've got something to say on Hydra, don't you?"

The blade caresses his throat, right over his Adam apple, and he can't help but gulp and whimper, squeezing his eyes shut when it grazes his skin.

"Please." He begs anew, voice small and desperate, "I'll do anything. Please don't hurt me."

"I'm just asking you to talk, bunny." The blond crouches down and grips his jaw tight. "What did they send you here for?"

"I don't know! I don't– I don't know anything! I just w-work for Hydra, please Captain, I don't have anything to do with this..."

The man hums, unfazed and unrelenting, and tears well up in Bucky's eyes again. He's getting desperate, he needs a solution, and distantly he wonders if he can somehow bribe the Captain into sparing his life. "I'll do anything." He whimpers. "I-I can suck you off, Sir, I can be good. Please just– just don't hurt me! I'll–"

The Captain suddenly stops. His hand falls from Bucky's face and he pulls away, eyes wide and mouth ajar. Bucky watches him withdraw and get back on his feet, and wonders what he said to cause such horror on the man's face.

An infinite silence stretches between them, broken only by Bucky's sniffles and quick breaths. He waits, praying that this time it worked. 

"Is that... is that what they do to you?" It comes out just above a whisper, but the words enter Bucky's brain like cold water.

He looks down at the ground, and feels the humiliation start to grow hot on his face.

Bucky wishes it wasn't true, but it very much is. He nods minutely and gulps. As he peeks up at the blond, he sees him sigh and bury his head in his hands. He wonders what he just realised, what truth dawned upon him to mould his expression into the one of horror and sadness that he's wearing.

The Captain's feet move, the chair is picked up and set closer in front of Bucky. He still doesn't look up at the man as he sits himself down.

"Do you know why you're here?"

There's a different tone in the man's voice now. It's almost... soothing, but Bucky knows better than to fall for that. He always gets tricked into thinking that they won't hurt him, and in the end, they somehow always do.

"They sent m-me and... and Rumlow..."

"And do you know why?"

A minute passes as Bucky looks for the right words to say it, but there's no denying it, there's no way to make truth any more bearable. A lone tear rushes down his cheek. "To kill..." He whispers, suddenly realising what he has made his life into.

He remembers his mom's words, just before he left at the innocent age of 21. _"Wherever you'll be, remember who you are, and be a good person."_ She said. _"Do good things, and good things will come to you."_

He promised her, but here he is now. He didn't stay true to himself, he didn't do good things.

He was so naïve. How could he believe Rumlow's words that day, how could he think it was the right thing to do? 

_"You just work for us, and we give ya everythin', pal. Honest."_ Rumlow mused, ever so convincing and persuasive. _"You do us a favor and we help ya pay the troubles. Easy peasy, pal, ya in?"_

Of course he agreed, the idiot he was. But he didn't have any choice, after all. The debts left behind by his father were starting to drown him and his mother, and to top it all, she got so sick that last month, they needed miracles to gather money for the medicines.

End of tale, he's been tricked into a messy job, abused and used however they wanted. And the money they promised? He hasn't seen a penny in over a year. _"You'll get it, your job still isn't done."_ They'd say to him every time he asked, and then proceed to use him, physically, emotionally, mentally.

He was just their puppet, and he realises it just now. Harsh and cold, the truth hits him like a train at full speed.

The Captain is talking, saying words, but he can't hear anything over the voices in his head and the ringing in his ears.

He failed. He failed his mom, he failed himself.

And now, he can just jump from one hellhole to the other.

First Hydra, now Shield. At least he hopes that on this ship they kill him as soon as they see how useless and broken he is. Which, according to him, should have already happened by now.

Suddenly, a calloused hand comes to his face, then quickly slides lower until it closes around his throat.

And that's enough to break him out of his self-deprecating daze. His eyes widen as they locate the blond's stoic face. The pressure isn't enough to cut his air off, but it is so to make him almost wet his pants in terror. Trembling and recoiling as much as the restraints permit, Bucky whimpers and looks pleadingly up at the man.

"There you are." A hinted proud smirk appears on the blond's face, before he retracts his hand back to rest on his thighs.

Yeah, that's an efficient way to bring him back to full attention, Bucky thinks, humiliation pooling in his stomach.

"So..." The Captain leans forward, elbows on knees, "...let's make a deal, shall we? You answer my questions, and I don't hurt you."

Something in his eyes tells Bucky that he wouldn't hurt him anyway, but he knows how easily his mind tricks him into thinking implausible things. Anyway, this deal sounds great to his young, naïve ears. Hydra never gave him this choice.

After he nods hastily, the interrogatory, or whatever it is, begins.

"You wanna tell me your name, bunny?"

A rosy blush creeps on his cheeks at the nickname. "It's– it's Bucky, Sir. James 'Bucky' Barnes."

"Bucky." The man hums low. "I'm Captain Steve Rogers to you, alright?"

He's heard the name many times while he was on Hydra's ship. Natasha always said that Hydra wants this man dead as a doornail, but she never told him why.

She also never told him that the Captain of the rivaling ship is strikingly handsome.

"Why do you work for Hydra?"

It's a clear question. Straight to the point. Bucky doesn't even feel like lying.

"Because... I needed money to pay the bills and medicines for my mom and... and I got this offer and..."

He shrugs and looks down, ashamed to even speak about all of this. He's so pathetic.

"And? What did they make you do?"

"They um... mainly sent me to retrieve things from other ships... or to kill enemies, if they needed help."

"And who are these enemies?"

"I... I don't know?" Bucky says honestly. "They never told me. It was mostly smaller ships, and this time y-your ship, Captain..."

"Do you know what Hydra does around the world?"

"Yes, they work to make the world better, Captain." The words tumble from his lips without hesitation, like a mantra that's been engraved in his brain and left on repeat. "We fight the bad guys..."

The blond closes his eyes and inhales deeply, his face doing something complicated and pained upon hearing those words.

"Bucky." He sighs, and the look in his eyes is angry and sad at the same time. "Hydra is the world's biggest terrorist organisation. There's nothing good in what they do. Piracy, assassinations, human trafficking and experimenting, anything. Are you aware of this?"

Bucky stares at the blond, mouth open in shock and eyes watering. Something quivers unpleasantly in the pit of his stomach. 

"It's... it's not true..."

The blond just keeps silent, watches him with sorrow and compassion that Bucky doesn't think he deserves.

"Bucky. Did they hurt you? Did they force you to do all those things?"

A shrug is all his mind seems to command his body to do, because he's not sure of anything at this point. Maybe it wasn't even real. Maybe he was dreaming all the time. He hopes he still is.

"No, you have to answer me, Bucky." The other's mouth sets into a thin line before he speaks again. "Did you want to do all those things? Is that what you wanted?"

The brunet shakes his head in response, swallowing the lump in his throat and trying not to burst into tears again.

And that, apparently, is all the blond needs to make his mind.

Whatever it is, it causes him to get back on his feet and walk behind Bucky, making the brunet shudder with a feeling he can't quite recognise.

The chain loosens and then falls on the ground with an obnoxious sound. Finally, his hands are free. He rubs his sore wrists and works his stiffened shoulders. 

"Get up." The Captain's order is icy and authoritative.

He obeys instantly, gets back on his feet on wobbly knees until he's standing right in front of the blond, who, he realises, is built like a tank.

The stoic posture and the remarkable size of the man intimidate him now more than before, and he shakily swallows as he watches the blond press a finger to his ear and start to speak.

"Stark, tell Parker to wait for me in his cabin. All the others in the control room in fifteen minutes."

And with that he turns to Bucky. "Follow me." He says, before starting to walk towards the door.

Bucky does as he's told, pacing behind the Captain and hiding in his shadow as they pass long corridors. A staircase takes them two storeys up.

The cell they kept him in must be in the hull, he thinks.

Through small windows he can finally see the daylight. Daylight? How long was he out? It was a little past 3 am when he went on this mission, and now the sun is high in the sky.

The Captain doesn't speak as he walks, leaving the sound of his heavy footsteps the only one in the air. It's like a metronome to Bucky's turbulent thoughts, a rhythmic cadence that grounds him as he slowly processes what just happened. 

He's a criminal. He killed innocent people, and now he's a captive. His hands shake when he imagines what they're about to do to him to make him pay. 

They turn into another corridor. There are a lot of doors on each side, and Bucky easily deduces that this is the area where they sleep.

The Captain stops in front of Room 64 and knocks, before a young, nervous brunet opens the door a few seconds later. 

"Good morning, Captain, Sir." He salutes, then moves aside to let the blond in.

"Good morning, Parker." The Captain steps inside the small cabin, which Bucky slowly examines from the doorframe.

It has two beds, one on each side, and two metal lockers on the far end. Everything is neat, military clean.

"Barnes, come in."

Bucky steps nervously inside the room. Parker's eyes follow his movements with suspicion and diffidence, and he just wants to curl on himself and disappear from the world. He wants to go home.

"Peter, he'll sleep here until I find him somewhere else to be, is that a problem?"

"No, of course, Captain." Parker replies hastily, even though his face says that it very much is a problem. Apparently, nobody here can go against what the Captain says.

"Good." The Captain nods and moves towards the exit. "Show him what he needs to know, I'll tell you the report of the meeting later."

The blond doesn't wait for the brunet's confirmation, instead he turns to Bucky with a cold, authoritative stare. "Barnes, you clean up and take some rest and eat, you need it. We'll talk more later."

Talk about what? Bucky doesn't ask, instead he gulps and nods, standing awkwardly to the side.

"Alright, I have to go. Parker, keep an eye on him." The blond says, and Bucky mentally begs him not to go, not to leave him with strangers that want him dead.

Well... the Captain is a stranger too, but he decided to keep Bucky alive and actually give him a room to sleep, and all of that makes him already look like a hero in Bucky's eyes.

The Captain exits the room, leaving the two in a tense, uncomfortable silence.

Bucky looks down at his ruined boots, fiddling with the hem of his still wet shirt. The other guy's eyes are on him, he can feel it, and for a full minute nobody moves or speaks. The silence suffocates him.

"I'm Peter Parker." The young boy suddenly says, holding his hand out.

Bucky hesitantly takes it and gives a small shake. "I'm Bucky. Barnes."

The other nods and looks at him like one looks at a wounded animal. "Um, the bathroom is there." He points at a grey door next to the lockers. "And that is your bed."

Bucky glances behind himself to see a perfectly done mattress. It suddenly looks so inviting, and Bucky realises how exhausted his body is. After he nods, Peter moves to one of the lockers and opens it, revealing some folded clothes that he puts on Bucky's bed. "You can wear this."

They're basic, plain grey military clothes. They look clean, freshly washed. And Bucky stinks. He smells like dirt and sweat and vomit. Suddenly the shower becomes an urge.

"Okay, um... thanks." He says, but doesn't move from his spot near the bed, unsure of what to do. He's invading Peter's space, after all.

"You can go." Peter speaks, and Bucky's feet finally move, thankful for the verbal permission. His body feels numb and heavy as he enters the small bathroom.

Something fierce is squeezing tight at his chest, making him barely breathe as he slowly strips, revealing his collection of bruises and cuts all over his skin. They're from yesterday, and the day before, and the day prior. Every week he collects new ones, and he remembers all of them.

He steps into the shower, naked and exposed, stripped down to the core, to the miserable thing that Bucky Barnes has become. The hot water is a blessing and a curse at the same time, and with its persistent flow over his skin, he finally lets out his silent tears.

* * *

Voices. Two of them. They shallowly jump around his brain, failing to break his deep sleep.

_"Yes, he fell asleep at around nine and didn't even move since."_

_"Did he eat?"_

_"No, he showered and collapsed almost immediately."_

It's the Captain's voice alongside Peter's. It makes Bucky smile for some odd reason, even though he's pretty sure his lips don't actually move. His body seems so far away from his mind, sinking in the mattress, in its softness. He hasn't slept in an actual bed in a year.

_"Tony made a bit of fuss more than the others yeah... but I understand, he's scared."_

_"Well he seems pretty innocuous to me."_

_"I don't know... he's a victim, that's for sure. Who knows how many other innocent people are being used at Hydra..."_

_"How does he seem to you?"_

_"I'm hopeful. It looked pretty bad in the beginning though. I'm thinking something like Stockholm syndrome, but he seemed to break out of it pretty quickly. They broke him, but he can get back on track..."_

_"...he's so thin. We should wake him up and give him something to eat, Cap."_

Something touches his shoulder. It's a gentle nudge, but it's enough to make him jolt awake and almost fall off the bed.

"Hey, hey easy there. It's okay." The Captain is hunched over him, keeping him down as he regains the breath that escaped his lungs. "It's just me, I'm not gonna hurt you, bunny."

He gazes at the blond's blue eyes, desperately searching for an anchor and gripping tight on it. The Captain prompts him into a sitting position, and crouches in front of him.

"Do you know where you are, Bucky?"

It's a fair question. Bucky's glad he asked him that. He nods. "Your ship, Captain."

"Good. How are you feeling?"

How is he feeling? Does that even matter? They never asked him before. "Tired."

His stomach growls with a loud, churning protest, and Bucky looks down bashfully when the others hear it too. "Sorry."

Peter looks at him quizzically at the apology, but the Captain seems to already know what's the matter. He wasn't allowed to be hungry at Hydra. He doesn't think he is now either.

"Come on, let's put something in your stomach." The blond says and pulls him on his feet. He sways, mind still foggy from sleep, but the Captain's hand steadies him, before he guides him outside.

They reach the dining area after a while. It's empty, save for a buff, dark skin coloured man drying dishes in the kitchen.

"Hiya, Steve." He grins at the blond.

"Hey, Sam, make something for this munchkin here, will ya?"

The other takes a look at Bucky, inspects his weak frame with a penetrating stare, before he nods and turns around, grabbing a pan from a hook.

As the Captain sits him down on one of the empty tables, Bucky finds himself speaking out of nowhere. "Y-you don't have to make anything. I'm okay, it's not a problem."

The blond stops to look at him, before a sad expression moulds his features. He smiles and sits on the seat facing Bucky. "Look, I know you're hungry. And you're probably a lot of other things right now, too. But you're allowed to be, understand? You're not at fault, bunny, it's okay to ask if you need something, okay?"

He sounds a lot like his mom, Bucky thinks. She always valued his needs and desires like this. The thought chokes him up a little too much, and he knows he can't speak. A nod is all he gives in response.

"Besides, we don't want you fainting here on my ship, do we?"

A smile tugs at his lips. He shakes his head no.

The Captain stands back on his feet and walks over to the cook, speaking with him, but Bucky can't hear a word over the sound of the food being made.

His gaze lingers on the blond for a while, before he starts to look around. It looks nice here. But then again, it's not that hard to look nicer than whatever it is at Hydra.

There's a clock on the wall. _4:45 pm._

He's lost track of time since he's been here. Maybe he even slept for days, who knows. It doesn't matter.

Outside the window his eyes stop at the ocean. The immense expanse of dark blue sea that's holding them all up. It extends until the horizon, and past it.

It's so blue. There's nothing but blue. Deep and mysterious. Just like the Captain's eyes.

He flinches at the thought. The Captain is nowhere to be seen now. Bucky feels uneasy about being left alone with a man he doesn't know. There's no one to protect him now.

He closes in his shoulders a little bit more, trying to keep his breaths steady. The cook occasionally looks at him, checking out. He's on the defensive too, but unlike Bucky, he has something to defend himself with.

Suddenly two men enter the dining room, laughing and joking about something as they go, before it all comes to a stop when they notice Bucky sitting alone at one of the tables.

He feels red cover his cheeks under the scrutiny of their eyes. He wants the Captain back. Why did he leave him?

He recognises one of them. He was in the cell when he first woke up. He doesn't like him one bit.

They slowly and quietly move to one of the free tables, and Bucky notices how they make sure to stay far from him. Better this way, he thinks, but then again, it doesn't make it any better with their eyes boring holes into his skull.

He keeps looking at his hands in his lap, wringing them and praying for someone to just save him and take him home.

The Captain comes back. He's holding a green apple and a knife as he sits in front of Bucky again.

Something eases in his chest then, but the air is tenser now, judging by how the Captain warily looks at the two men that sit far from them. They're quietly talking, and Bucky feels like he might be the topic of the conversation.

Just on cue, the cook brings a plate full of food in front of Bucky, the delicious smells waking up his hunger even more now. It looks mouthwatering. And it's actual food, not like whatever they gave him at Hydra. It looks like heaven.

"Eat it." The Captain says upon seeing his pliant hesitation, and Bucky registers it as an order, only now, it's kind of a good order, 'cause he'll do it very, very willingly.

It's so good he wants to cry. The tastes flooding his mouth like a blessing. He eats fast and rushed, unable to stop himself as his body craves it, craves the concreteness and the fulfillment that it desperately needs.

The Captain doesn't speak as he binges, just nonchalantly eats his apple piece after piece, watching Bucky.

It's over too quick, Bucky thinks, but at least now his stomach is pleasantly full. He feels a little bit like living again. Pushing the plate far from him, Bucky finds Steve looking at him with intent.

"Thanks." He says, voice small and insecure, mindful of the manners his mom taught him.

"You're welcome." The Captain seems to force his smile back, and his gaze briefly shifts to the two guys sitting with them.

Bucky hates this. He hates being the cause of conflicts between them. But what can he do? He's just a puppet, and they play with him like it pleases them.

He's so tired of all of this. He just wants to go home.

"Captain?" Looking down, he musters up the courage to speak.

"Yes?"

"What... what are you gonna do to me?"

It's a risky question, he's aware of that. The Captain could easily flip him off and decide not to reveal him his infernal destiny, but he still asks. It's worth a shot.

His hands are shaking again, he's nervous and scared that he said the wrong thing. Questions like these can cost a lot, he, sadly, knows that very well. But it's not Hydra here, and Bucky hopes that the Captain stays true to his word. That he won't hurt him.

"Bucky, look at me."

The blond leans in when their eyes meet, getting a tad closer to Bucky like he wants to reveal a deep secret to him.

"We're not Hydra, and nobody here will hurt you, not even a little bit, okay? I'm not gonna do anything to you, bunny, but you have to trust me."

And Bucky does. He doesn't know why, but of that he's sure. He trusts the Captain, because he might be his last and only chance to fix his life and move on.

"I know they messed you up pretty bad, but we can fix this, okay?"

He's painfully aware that he won't be the Bucky he was before, never again, but he won't stop the Captain from trying to help him. Right now, though, all he wants is to get out of here.

"I just... I just wanna go home." Choked up by another knot in his throat, Bucky's voice quivers and cracks at the end of the sentence.

"I'll take you home." The Captain promises, "I can't do it right now, because we're pretty far out in the sea, and we're not in national waters. But as soon as I can, I'll take you back home. I promise."

A little wide eyed, Bucky fights the urge to throw his arms around the Captain and hug him so tight he loses his breath. Sniffling, he smiles and nods repeatedly. He'll go home. He'll... see his mom.

"Do you trust me, Bucky?" The blond still checks in, his hand steading Bucky's gaze with a firm hold on his chin.

He feels warmth spread inside him as the Captain stares into his eyes, soft and gentle like he's never seen before.

"I do..." He nods.

"I won't let anyone hurt you, okay, bunny? You're safe here."

A soft smile and a wink get him blushing, his cheeks heating up at the use of the nickname again. It's cute, and it makes him feel all fluttery when the Captain says it.

It's still a mystery to him as to why this man cares so much about him, when he could have killed him right away without a second thought. But then again, he wouldn't trade this for anything. It's been so long since someone showed him kindness and affection. The Captain might as well be the only one on this ship to treat him good and stand by his side, but to him, it's enough. He's learned to be content with the smallest things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Bucky likes his saviour a bit too much, but does he like him back? Guess we'll find out ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment their lips meet, Bucky feels a waterfall of electric shocks shake him from head to toe, and then it's complete void. 
> 
> His head just empties, thoughts dissolving into the air like smoke and clearing everything, leaving just a bright light to shine from deep inside him. 
> 
> He's somehow aware of where Steve is touching him, and where he's touching Steve, but it all just leads to that point of contact under their noses and above their chins. All the universe is there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: attempt at rape/non-con; nightmares

When Steve said they were pretty far out in the sea, Bucky didn't think it would actually be  _ this _ far.

He's been watching the immensity of blue ripples and waves meld together and unwind, staring out of the small window in his cabin for the past hour. The sky is crowded by heavy, grey clouds. Despite his short experience with the sea, Bucky's learned to pick up the premonitions of bad weather coming soon, and now it looks exactly like a good time for a storm.

It's not cold in the cabin, but it definitely is outside, and the thought alone makes uncomfortable goosebumps rise on his skin. He doesn't like storms, especially out here in the ocean. The wind causes the waves to crest and crash heavily together. The water is almost black, like a void that could swallow anything on the wrong turn.

Lost in his mind, his thoughts drift away to his mom, whose memory has faded a bit in his head, he sadly realised. He doesn't remember the sound of her voice as clearly, doesn't remember the taste of the cinnamon rolls she always used to make. Bucky wonders if he'll ever get to eat them again. He hopes so, he prays every day and night to see her again, but another part of him tells him she doesn't deserve a son like him. She didn't give all her life for Bucky to fuck it up like this, to become a criminal. Is there anything worth fighting for now?

He might as well end his life at this point. His mother certainly won't welcome him in her arms anymore, he most likely will never see Natasha again. He doesn't have anything, he's become a nobody. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he can hear Steve's words, Steve's comforting voice that seems the only thing to have kept him sane in the past three days.

Steve... he's just something else.

Bucky feels dumb for trusting him so much. The Captain's good looks probably tricked him into doing it, and Bucky's most definitely an A-grade idiot for falling for Steve so easily, but he can't help it, and, to be frank, he doesn't care much as of now. It's easy for him to have crushes on people, just be nice to him and hug him and he's falling like a shooting star at your feet.

A pert little smile is tugging at his lips without him even noticing. He must look ridiculously stupid like this, like a lovesick teenager with heart eyes for a sweet and sexy Captain with blonde hair and baby blue eyes.

Something catches his eye outside the window. It's white, so white that the contrast against the dark water is almost blinding.

Is that...? Holy shit.

As it fully enters his eyesight, Bucky's jaw drops like a brick to the ground. It's an iceberg. A huge, fucking iceberg.

Lazy and chill, it just swims by, colossal and white and so fucking surreal. It leaves Bucky gaping for a few long minutes, because 1) he's never seen an iceberg before and 2) he didn't know he'd ever be this far from home, because if this is somewhere around the poles, Bucky knows it won't be so soon until he sees his mom again.

Something queasy shifts in his frail, still bruised chest at the thought, and suddenly he starts feeling insecure and diffident. What if the Captain lied to him? Of all the people that can betray him, what if it happens to be the only one he trusts? He said he'd take him home, and this, in front of Bucky's own very puzzled eyes, is far from being home.

So, curious as he is, Bucky has to make sure. It's not on him to dare question his superior's decisions (because that's what the Captain and his crew are to him now), but in the past three days he's been living on this ship, he's happily learned that this is not Hydra.

In fact, it's not even close to such hellhole, and Steve has made it clear many times that he's allowed to ask, to object, to defend himself; in other words, to be an actual person with actual human rights.

That's how he finds himself in front of the control room's door, and for a moment he wonders if he even has permission to near the bridge of the ship, but he's already made it until here, so why not give it a shot? Nervously chewing on his lip, he finally brings his hand up to land a knock.

The door opens almost a minute later, and Bucky comes face to face with a tall, massive blond guy, with long hair and blue eyes that look so pretty, almost as pretty as Steve's.

"Hello there, little man." His voice is annoyingly loud and cheerful, "Can I do something for you?"

"Um..." Bucky rubs his hand nervously on his arm, glancing between his feet and the blond's face. "I-I need to see the Captain... if-if it's possible. Please."

"Of course!" The sudden response makes Bucky flinch, "Captain, the tiny boy that cried is here."

Oh well. Bucky cringes awfully at that, although he doesn't let it show when he finally steps inside the room, after Steve's familiar voice welcomes him in.

"Hey, Bucky." Steve gifts him a quick little smile, before he turns around in his chair to face the control panels again, and absentmindedly pushes some buttons and switches.

"Um, I hope I'm not disturbing." Shifting on his feet, Bucky tries not to let himself be overwhelmed by how the room looks.

Because it's just so... cool. It's beautiful from here, the windows looking out with a panoramic view of the ocean, and Bucky sees more blue, more ice and glaciers and icebergs and it's just... wow.

"Hey no, of course you're not." Steve reassures and pushes some buttons before getting on his feet. "Is everything alright?"

Approaching Bucky, he lets the younger fully see his toned muscles through the tight, white t-shirt he's wearing, tucked into a pair of black cargo pants. 

"Uh-huh." Bucky feels his cheeks flush inevitably, refraining his mind from wandering into inappropriate space.

"Are you sure?"

No he's not, because he feels like he's about to chicken out and Steve looks so good and warm and he can feel the other guy's stare on him and–

"Hey, hey breathe." Steve's hand grips his shoulder delicately, and suddenly Bucky realises he's shaking, his heart racing in his chest. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm fine, just..." With a glance to the long haired blond, Bucky hopes Steve gets the hint.

And of course he does, he's so smart and quick at picking up signals it's actually mind-blowing. "Thor, you're dismissed for now."

Thor's eyebrows furrow for a moment before he gets it, and he seems almost happy to be free to go wherever it is that he wants to.

"Do you need to talk?" Steve speaks once they're alone.

"I... wanted to ask um," Clearing his throat, Bucky looks out the window and continues, "Where are we?"

Steve blinks at him for a few moments, before he sighs and leads Bucky to the control panel. "70th parallel north." On a screen, Steve cleverly makes a map appear with weird lines on it, "We're sailing south along Greenland's East coast. All the ice comes from there."

Bucky can't be bothered with the icebergs anymore, for his eyes are glued to the endless buttons and switches in front of his eyes, the cool monitors and radars which he doesn't understand a thing of and it's all so fucking amazing. Does Hydra have things like these too?

Steve's eyes are on him, amused and smiling, and when their gazes meet, Bucky blushes.

"It's cool, isn't it?" A proud smirk is hanging from Steve's lips as his eyes run over the equipment.

Bucky can only manage a nod, distracted by a weird circle with dots on it and a line rotating inside it. He's seen those on TV series sometimes. It's a radar or something like that, he thinks.

"You've never been inside a control room before?"

It probably shouldn't embarrass him as much as it actually does, but Bucky's brain immediately asserts how sad it is that he's lived on a ship like this one for a year, and yet, all the places he was allowed to be in were his cell and the hull, and Rumlow's cabin for those times he dragged him there to 'have some fun', but in those moments Bucky couldn't really focus on his surroundings.

"I... no, Captain." He shakes his head and avoids the other's gaze, "I w-wasn't allowed."

Steve sighs, his eyes saddening. "You can come here whenever you want to, okay?"

Bucky perks up, like a puppy does when its owner calls it. "Really?"

"Yeah. But don't tell the others I gave you this privilege." Steve winks and smirks at Bucky's instant blush.

"Okay." Bucky giggles, his belly filling with insane butterflies.

Steve seems satisfied with his reaction, smiling wide and proud at the brunet like he's the most beautiful thing in the world.

Bucky's chest tightens at the thought. It feels good, all of this, but deep down he knows that the Captain will never feel the same way about him, that he's just being a nice person and Bucky's a fool to fall for it.

"Do you wanna try and run the ship?"

The look Bucky gives Steve is a startled one, panic flashing before his eyes at the suggestion. Bucky doesn't know how to do shit, let alone pilot a  _ fucking ship _ .

"No, no I don't– I can't do that."

"Oh come on, just try."

"I can't." Bucky shakes his head, "I don't wanna mess up I'm– I'm clumsy and–"

Steve ignores him and grabs his wrist, easily tugging him towards himself.

"Captain–" Bucky tries to protest as he's put to face the windows, the control console looking complicated and menacing in front of his eyes.

"Shh..." Steve's body is suddenly behind him, warm and solid, "Just follow my lead, bunny, you won't mess up anything."

And then he's taking Bucky's hands in his own, basically hugging him from behind and Bucky's brain just short-circuits then and there. Steve's body is pressing into his own, he can feel his muscles, his pecs where they curve under the thin fabric of the t-shirt, the hardness of the hinges of his belt on the small of his own back.

"Captain..."

"It's okay, I'll show you." Steve says against his ear, and Bucky's damn glad that the blond is guiding his hands to grip the steering wheel, because his limbs are as good as a chocolate teapot right now. "See that dot on the radar?"

It takes a minute for Bucky to nod, watching the moving yellow dot Steve is pointing Bucky's finger at. His hands feel so small in Steve's, he likes how they look tangled together.

"Good. It's moving and we're targeting it, so we have to follow it, okay?"

"Uh-huh." Bucky can't bring his tongue to work properly again. Steve's breath tickles his neck and ear and raises visible shivers on his skin. He wonders if Steve sees them, if he's aware of the effect he's having on him.

"So, now we have to speed just a little..." Their hands push gently on a lever, "...and then be really good at avoiding all this ice."

"I-I can't, I'm gonna–"

"Hey, shh, bunny." Steve whispers in his ear and Bucky almost moans, "You're doing great. See that screen over there?"

Steve points at a monitor, and this time Bucky really doesn't understand what the hell it's meant to be. "It shows if we're gonna hit something. See? There's nothing to worry about now."

It's scary and mesmerising at the same time. How can Steve do all of this so easily? It's one hell of a hard job.

Which makes Bucky realise he might be getting hard too. And Steve plastered to his back is not helping at all.

"It's not difficult, is it, bunny?"

Bucky can hear the smile in Steve's voice. "A little bit." He says, surprised that he even manages to speak.

The blond chuckles softly, the sound escaping his chest and vibrating against Bucky's back, and his stomach does an umpteenth summersault.

"You'll get the hang of it, Bucky." He says, before he pushes a blue button on the console that reads  _ autopilot _ .

Bucky expects him to back away, but instead Steve just keeps holding his hands and gently rubbing his thumbs over Bucky's palms. It feels so good, it's overwhelming and Bucky's not sure if he wants to cry or squeal more. He lets himself indulge in the feeling, warm and content in Steve's embrace.

And then, time seems to stop as he feels the soft touch of lips against his neck. It's a light kiss, feathery and candid, but despite its delicacy it sends an electric shock down Bucky's spine.

He gasps, the air leaving his lungs for good when Steve repeats the action, kisses the spot below his ear. Bucky can feel his lips curving into a smile on his skin, and the idea of Steve enjoying this too– fuck.

Eyes closed and mouth hanging open, Bucky tilts his head a bit to give Steve more room and leans back against him, his knees actually wobbling when the blond puts the tip of his tongue on his skin.

"Mmmh..."

Steve chuckles deeply at Bucky's involuntary sound, and then tightens his arms around the him, presses in until Bucky can definitely feel the heat in his crotch against his ass.

The nibbles and kisses continue, Bucky letting Steve do the magic, completely melting in his arms. He's panting softly, occasionally a breathy moan escaping his mouth and he feels how it riles Steve up even more. He's lightheaded, he's on cloud nine by the time the Captain untangles their hands and settles his own on Bucky's slender hips, just resting them there, possessive and firm.

It's like heaven. Bucky drowning in the surreal sweetness of Steve's kisses and his hot body. Everything's so beautiful, so good.

Until it's not.

An abrupt rapping on the door breaks them apart, and Steve detaches himself in the blink of an eye from Bucky and cleares his throat.

He's flushed, and Bucky finds it just beautiful, but he doesn't even have time to savour it before everything moves around him, too fast for his brain to catch upon.

Two people enter the room, Steve says something and ushers Bucky out, and then he's alone in the corridor, looking stupid and fucked out. Bucky stares at the closed door for what feels like an eternity, before he finally remembers how to use his feet again, and he walks himself to his and Peter's cabin, his brain putty like mashed potatoes and his heart racing a marathon in his chest, mindless of anything else.

❉ ❉ ❉

The corridors are oddly quiet, making his thoughts echo louder and louder around his brain as he walks. It's like he's getting lost, which isn't all that surprising considering how big this ship is. He must have seen only a third of it.

It's weird 'cause no one seems to be around. It's like everyone waited for him to fall asleep to rush on a little boat and leave him alone.

It's either that, or they're playing hide and seek. Maybe they're dead, who knows. Maybe an assassin came while Bucky was sleeping and killed them all one by one.

He heads towards the control room, because there will certainly be someone there, at least one person, and he desperately seeks human company now, for whatever reason. He just hopes it's not Steve, 'cause he really doesn't know how to confront him after all that happened.

It's storming outside, just like he predicted earlier before, the wind and the waves are making the ship swing and shake like it weighs nothing. He hears footsteps on his way to the control room.

Bucky can't immediately assess the direction they're coming from. Turning his head to look behind, he finds no one following him. The corridor seems endless at his back, swallowed by darkness by the end.

Bucky gulps, but decides to keep walking. Turning back around, he can't stop the startled yelp from escaping his throat.

Backing slowly, stumbling, he feels all the colour drain from his face. "R-Rumlow?"

"Hey, sugar." The other grins wickedly, stance intimidating and stern as he approaches Bucky with no hesitation.

"H-How are you here?" Bucky's eyes search for any escapes, but the corridor has no doors, no windows. His only way out is to run back, but he already knows it's a lost cause. He never escapes Rumlow's clutches.

"Is that what matters, sugar?" The scars on the other's face stretch as his grin widens, "I thought you'd be happy to see me."

Fear is icing the blood in Bucky's veins, he's sweating cold, whimpering, shaking with every inch of his body, knowing too well what's about to happen.

"Please don't..."

And then Rumlow is shoving him against a door, which he's pretty sure wasn't there before, and he finds himself in the same cell he was chained in a few days ago.

He's screaming, but it's like nobody can hear him, Rumlow least of all.

"Hush. Be good, lil slut that you are."

"Please stop! Please don't, it hurts–"

"Shut the fuck up!" The slap makes his head hit the wall, but there's no pain. It seems like he can't feel anything except the straining burning in his chest. "Are you gonna be good or do I have to be hard on you, sugar?"

"Stop!" Rumlow shoves a hand inside Bucky's pants, directly aiming at his most vulnerable part. "No! No! Stop! Please– help!"

"Thought you were gonna run away, huh? You dumb bitch!" The black haired man growls against Bucky's face, before he spins him around and pins him to the wall. "Get ready for Pierce when I take ya back. Oh, you're in it so bad, sugar... you ain't getting outta this alive."

"Please! No!" Bucky feels himself fainting. Rumlow's words, Rumlow's hands on him make panic quickly rise in his throat and choke him mercilessly. "Stop! Steve! Steve, please help me, please!"

The tears are spilling copiously down his cheeks, the sobs choke him as he can't do anything to fight back. He can't move, just cry and scream till his throat his raw while he feels Rumlow shove his pants down, feels him touch him over his ass, between his–

"Stop! Let me go!"

"Bucky!"

Rumlow's voice sounds oddly strained as he ruts against Bucky, the naked contact making bile quickly rise in his throat, and he thrashes, squirms and kicks, but the rapist doesn't budge.

"Bucky! Bucky–"

"Please no! Stop–"

His body is being shaken and shoved and tugged–

"Bucky, wake up!"

"Stop! Steve, help me!"

"I'm here, Bucky, please wake up!"

Bucky's eyes snap open so fast it hurts. It's so violent that his muscles cramp as he jolts awake. The world is spinning, blurring lines and lights blinding his vision as his chest heaves impossibly fast, deafening wails echo in his ears with piercing volume.

There are hands on him, no, no he doesn't want them. He wants Steve.

"Bucky, hey, hey breathe. You're okay, it's okay."

"Steve?" Bucky stops, trying to make out the blond's figure in front of him, hoping he's real, looking at him with eyes that are pure, liquid panic.

Behind the blond, Peter's standing with worried eyes. The cabin door is swung open, other perplexed and startled faces peeking in, scrutinising Bucky. They must think he's so pathetic, so weak, and they'd be right.

Slowly regaining consciousness of his surroundings, Bucky realises that he's sitting on the floor next to his bed, the sheets a crumpled mess next to him, and Steve is there, on his knees by his side, looking worried as ever.

"It's me, Bucky. It's okay, just breathe." Steve's hands are on both his arms, somehow steading his shaking, recoiling body.

Skin still pins and needles, cheeks wet with falling tears, Bucky shies away from the blond's touch and curls into a ball on the floor, burying his face in his arms and praying the tears to just stop falling.

"Guys, can you leave us alone?" He hears Steve's blessing voice directed to their audience, "We need a moment."

The door shuts with a thud, followed by the sound of retreating footsteps fading away.

"Bucky..." Again, Steve hesitantly touches Bucky's arm, "Can you look at me?"

Sniffling, the brunet lifts his head and looks at Steve's face. He's worried, pained and sad, and Bucky mentally beats himself for it, because it's his fault. He put that face on Steve.

Bucky doesn't expect the hug, but as soon as the blond's arms wrap around him, something inside him goes off like a switch, and Bucky just crumbles.

A weak sob breaks from his throat, followed by another, and then another, until he's deliberately crying in Steve's arms with fistfuls of his shirt, soaking the fabric with fresh tears.

"Shh, hey it's okay, you're safe."

"Please d-don't let 'im–"

"It was just a dream, Bucky, you're okay." Steve rubs his back and holds him tighter, so close Bucky's almost sitting in his lap.

"H-He's here." Almost pleading, Bucky looks into Steve's eyes with heartbreaking fear and pain. "He's here S-Steve please don't let him–"

Steve's eyebrows knit in confusion, "Who's here?"

Bucky can't bring himself to say that name, afraid somehow that it'd make him jump out of nowhere and repeat the nightmare over again.

"He w-was here! He was– I s-saw him!"

"Shh, no one's here, bunny. You were dreaming." Steve tugs him closer again, burying Bucky's face in his neck. "It's just me, me and you, Bucky, you're safe with me."

Words like these are murmured into Bucky's ear, softly and soothingly until he somehow starts breathing properly again. Steve rocking them gently lulls him into an exhausted silence, broken only by his sniffles and occasional whimpers.

It was just a dream. Just a nightmare. He doesn't remember them being this bad, so bad he could swear it was real. But it's not. It's not. It won't happen again, Rumlow is not here and can't hurt him, not as long as Steve protects him.

With his eyes closed, Bucky keeps his face buried in Steve's neck, breathing him in and basking in his comforting scent. He's beginning to get cold, his sweaty clothes cooling and making him shiver despite being surrounded by Steve's warmth.

Steve must notice this, because he's suddenly getting back on his feet, lifting Bucky with his arms and gently placing him on the bed.

He gets a better look at Steve. He's wearing sweatpants and a shirt, hair messy and unruly. Bucky realises it must be the middle of the night, and he woke up everyone with his pathetic nightmare.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" Steve's eyebrows furrow in confusion as he takes a seat beside Bucky, who involuntarily leans closer to him, seeking his touch.

"I woke you up."

Steve places two fingers under Bucky's chin and lifts his eyes up. "There's nothing to be sorry for, it's not your fault. You just scared us a whole lot."

"I didn't mean to."

"I know." Steve smiles, "It's not your fault. Are you okay now?"

No, and he probably never will be. But he does feel better. Steve makes everything better. He nods and looks down again.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No." Bucky shakes his head, looking away from Steve with a small blush on his cheeks.

"Okay... yeah okay." Steve says before he suddenly stands up on his feet.

Convinced that Steve's about to leave, Bucky panics and grabs his wrist before he can even think about his actions. "Don't go. Please."

"I'm not going anywhere." The blond smiles, "Just wanted to bring you new clothes, is that okay?"

Bucky sighs with relief and nods, letting go of Steve's hand. The blond goes only as far as Bucky's locker, before he grabs a new, clean set of clothes.

"Do you want me to wait outside or..." His thumb points at the door behind him, and frankly Bucky doesn't even know. The idea of being left alone scares him to no end, but then again, he doesn't want Steve to see his body. There's not much he has to show, and his scars and bruises definitely aren't a pleasing sight.

"You... can you just um, like, turn around?"

"Yeah. Sure." Steve says, a little bewildered, before he turns around to face the other side of the room.

Keeping an eye on the blond, Bucky changes his pants quickly, and then proceeds to peel off his shirt. It's a tight fit, definitely a couple sizes smaller than his designated one, and it's like it's clinging to his body, refusing to get off. He manages to tug half of it off before he gets stuck, struggling and squiggling in an attempt to get out of it.

"Need help?" Steve's voice holds a hint of amusement in it upon hearing Bucky's struggles, and the brunet sighs in resignation.

"I think... yeah– fuck." Bucky groans and whines as he pulls some more on the piece of clothing, but it's stuck on his head now, blinding him and almost suffocating him. "I think I might be stuck."

"Wait, stay still." Steve chuckles, and then Bucky feels his hands on him. Unable to see, Bucky's senses are highlighted as Steve's warm hands touch him. He shudders at the contact, shivers rising on his skin as Steve gently brushes his fingers where Bucky's ribs are exposed.

"Hold up your arms." And Bucky does, before the tight shirt is finally being tugged off, leaving his hair sticking in all directions.

Bucky's face is beet red by the time the thing is gone, self-conscious about his thin, beaten body. Steve is watching him, he can feel his eyes mapping every inch of him.

"I know... they're ugly." He mumbles, eyes cast down as he shyly crosses his arms in front of his chest, covering as many scars and bruises as he can.

"No, Bucky..." Steve's eyes are still on him, switching from his torso to his face and he's looking at him like… like he's never seen something like him, like one looks at a piece of art, or at a panoramic view of the Alps, or at someone they love.

"You're beautiful, you know that?"

That gets Bucky blushing tremendously, but he can't fight a small smile from appearing on his lips. "Am not." He pouts and looks away.

And then Steve cups his face in his large hands, tilting it up so that Bucky has no choice but to look into his eyes. Bucky's lips part in a silent gasp, his arms drop at his sides at the realisation of how close Steve is holding him.

"You are." Steve repeats, smiling something deep and caressing Bucky's jaw and it's too much. His heart is gonna explode and burst into glitters and stars out of his chest. "You're just perfect, bunny."

And there goes the nickname again, melting Bucky to the core every time. He's at a loss of words, blinking up at the Captain with the bluest eyes. He's shivering, but it's not because of the cold anymore. He feels so hot inside and outside that he might just catch on fire right there, like a match being lit and left to burn.

Bucky wants to be kissed, wants to finally press his lips to Steve's and be loved and love him, but he doesn't know how to. His brain is just a puddle of fireworks, and he doesn't know how to ask, how to move and how to breathe.

Lost in each other's eyes, they lean closer, inch by inch until Bucky can feel Steve's breath on his face. There's something particular about these moments. It always seems like time slows down to nothing, like the entire world around fades away, unimportant and superficial. It's easy to fall for temptations. They just pull you in with a sweet hand and a hypnotic melody, and it's like a string gets finally connected between the two bodies. Between the two hearts. It's easy to give in then, curiosity and desire pushing from the back with ridiculous urge, and their lips clash together, like it's natural. Like it's the most obvious thing in the universe.

That's how Steve and Bucky kiss. Right there, standing in a cabin and floating above the water, but they could be anywhere in that moment. They could be in a car or in a dark alley or above the clouds, it just doesn't matter. Pulled towards each other by a mysterious and yet so attractive force, they let themselves lean in and close the frustrating space between them.

The moment their lips meet, Bucky feels a waterfall of electric shocks shake him from head to toe, and then it's completely void.

His head just empties, thoughts dissolving into the air like smoke and clearing everything, leaving just a bright light to shine from deep inside him.

He's somehow aware of where Steve is touching him, and where he's touching Steve, but it all just leads to that point of contact under their noses and above their chins. All the universe is there.

It's soft and wet, Steve's warm mouth moving gently against his own, his breath fanning against his skin. It's a first kiss like many others, but to them, it's much more than that. This is a moment that only the two of them own. They're the only witnesses of a thousand stars being born, a thousand promises sealed by one gesture. They will remember it, however it goes. First kisses are never forgotten, because they're the memory of love blossoming between petal lips. They will remember it while zoning out when people are talking, while staring out of a window on a crowded train, while cutting vegetables for dinner and witnessing warm sunsets from windy rooftops. They will remember it and perhaps they will smile and chuckle to themselves out of nowhere, getting weird looks from people. Perhaps they'll let their expression twist that small bit to squeeze a tear or a hundred of them out of their eyes.

This is their start. Their genesis and their apocalypse.

Everything clicks into place, like pieces of a puzzle finding their own mate to hug. The atoms combine. The stars align. Two hearts entwine, giving birth to an iridescent, candid love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering, I pictured Bucky to look like the 40s Bucky, or something along the lines of TJ, so short hair, smaller than Steve, very very cute awe


End file.
